Summary of study guides

Study guides and CD's on Pastoral counseling

by Prof Wentzel Coetzer

The manuals are R160 each, except for the following titles where the price is R180 each:

  • Trauma counseling
  • Eating disorders
  • Pastoral guidelines for emotionally wounded young people - Part 1
  • Pastoral guidelines for emotionally wounded young people - Part 2 (with emphasis on addiction)
  • Trauma bonding
  • Depression
  • Burnout counselors (compassion fatigue and secondary trauma)
  • Burnout in the ministry
  • The impact of bullying on children and young persons.
  • Dissociation, fragmentation and the inner child
  • Rape, molestation and incest
  • The marriage
  • Healing for emotional pain - Part 2
  • Stress and burnout
  • Ten stages of the healing process
  • Boundaries and limitations
  • Father wounds and father hunger
  • Teaching children to deal with trauma - activating emotional intelligence

Should we have to mail any of the manuals to you there will be extra costs involved. You can transfer the money directly to the following account:

  • Capitec savings account no: 1487438425
  • Branch code: 470010 – Potchefstroom
  • Account holder: Prof WC Coetzer

You can then send us an email with your postal address as well as an indication of which of the guides (or CD's) you want. E-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


Trauma counseling

A set of eight CD's are also available at R300 plus mailing costs

This manual contains the lectures of a course on trauma counselling. Strong emphasis is placed on emotional and inner healing as part of the healing process. A therapeutic prayer model is formulated according to which traumatized victims can be guided pastorally.

The different sub-headings are the following:

  • The different phases of a traumatic experience.
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder
  • The role of triggers
  • Dissociative identity disorder (DID)(inner child and fragmentation)
  • The immune system and physical problems because of unresolved trauma
  • Prayer session
  • Finding purpose in our pain
  • Preparing ourselves for future trauma

1. Trauma counseling (Index)


A way to understand sexual addicts is to compare them to other types of addicts. A common definition of alcoholism or drug dependency is that a person has a pathological relationship with a mood-altering chemical. Sexual addiction is parallel - the addict substitutes a sick relationship to an event or a process for a healthy relationship with others - consequently his/her relationship with a mood-altering experience becomes central to their lives. Addicts progressively go through stages in which they retreat further from the reality of friends, family, and work.

The main headings of the manual on this course are the following:

  • What is sexual addiction?
  • The distortion of male sexuality
  • Stephen Arterburn’s five phases of counseling addicts
  • Influence of pornography on sexuality within marriage
  • Cybersex addiction
  • Christian women lured by internet porn
  • Treatment for sexual addiction

2. Sexual addiction (Index)


In this manual, the focus is specifically on counselors and persons in the human sciences that are continuously involved in the process of giving. During this process, they become intensely involved with the pain and hurt of others. The result is often that the counselor/therapist him-/herself becomes emotionally drained or even traumatized. Practical guidelines are presented and some evaluation surveys are included.

3. Burnout counsellors (compassion fatigue and secondary trauma) (Index)


A number of factors that are responsible for burnout in the ministry are discussed. The different problem areas that are addressed are related to Christian workers in general. Practical guidelines are provided, while different evaluation surveys (depression, anxiety, burnout, and compassion fatigue) are included.

4. Burnout in the ministry (Index)

In this manual, a number of guidelines with regard to pastoral counseling in general are discussed.

The main points are the following:

  • Basic principles of treatment
  • Transitioning and personal growth
  • Cognitive restructuring
  • Happiness, pleasure, humor, and religion
  • Building self-esteem
  • Forgiveness
  • What is the meaning of all this?
  • Equipment for tomorrow's pain

5. Important guidelines for the counseling process (Index)

In this manual guidelines are provided for the pastoral counseling of persons who are wrestling with emotions like grief, depression, anxiety, and anger. These factors usually deprive a person of real happiness in life.

The main points are the following:

  • The traditional approach towards mourning
  • Three phases of grief and mourning
  • Resistance to the mourning of traumatic loss
  • Basic guidelines for overcoming depression
  • How do you handle anger and anxiety?
  • Guidelines in the process of finding lifelong happiness
  • Characteristics of spiritually and mentally healthy persons

6. Mourning, depression, anger, anxiety, and happiness (Index)

In this manual, the extremely important theme of forgiveness is viewed from different angles. Usually, every person who went through pain, hurt or trauma has somebody to forgive. The focus is on some important Scriptures as well as a number of factors that could block or activate the process. The necessity of confronting the pain is discussed and emphasized. The nine steps of the forgiveness process are discussed and a number of practical guidelines are provided.

7. Forgiveness (Index)

Defusing and debriefing

A set of four CD's are also available at R140 plus mailing costs

In this manual the focus is especially on the processes of defusing and debriefing. Practical guidelines are provided for the counsellor on the scene of the trauma or shortly after that. Among other examples, the debriefing of bank personnel after a bank robbery is discussed as well as the necessary aftercare.

The themes of the different chapters are the following:

  • Defusing
  • Debriefing
  • Debriefing of bank personnel after a bank robbery
  • Assessment and triage
  • Managing a major disaster or terror event
  • Relapse prevention

8. Defusing and debriefing (Index)


A set of seven CD's are also available at R240 plus mailing costs

The main themes of this manual are the following:

  • Defusing
  • Debriefing
  • Warning signs of burnout
  • The workaholic
  • Bitterness
  • Compassion fatigue and secondary trauma
  • Transformation of the therapist

9. Debriefing, burnout and compassion fatigue (Index)


{roduct 136|name|description|link}


Self-injury behaviour

A set of three CD's are also available at R100 plus mailing costs

In this guide we are focusing on the following topics:

  • Introductory remarks
  • The importance of a holistic approach
  • Relevance and statistics
  • Defining some terms
  • Reasons why young people harm themselves
  • Clues that something may be wrong
  • The important role of emotions
  • The dynamics of the process itself
  • Practical guidelines and treatment programme
  • Pastoral perspectives
  • Be prepared for slips
  • Conclusion

10. Self-injury behavior (cutting, self-harming) (Index)

In 1983, Karl Menninger, the respected psychiatrist, said that in the United States incest is becoming almost as common as shoplifting. There is a sharp rise in the statistics for molestation of children and teenagers, as well as for unmarried pregnancies, rape, and incest. There is a breakdown of morals and the breakup of families. Because of this, many vulnerable youths are confused about their sexual identity because they have never had adequate parental models for masculinity or femininity.

In this course we explore this problem alongside the following markers:

  • Introduction, definitions, vocabulary, and statistics
  • Stages of abuse
  • Symptoms indicating possible interference with somebody’s sexuality
  • Confronting the abuser
  • Honesty and forgiveness
  • Dealing with the trauma and how to minister to victims

11. Rape, molestation, and incest (Index)


A set of six CD's are also available at R210 plus mailing costs

Abortion, miscarriage or stillbirth is seldom viewed by our society as a form of infant death. Since the child is usually not developed enough to live outside the womb, many see no reason to mourn or seek healing regarding most of such cases. Yet any child conceived is a full-fledged human being, destined to live forever. Therefore, when a woman goes through any of these painful experiences there is a rending of the close bonding with the child and a consequential sense of loss. It is not simply a loss of tissue, it is the severing of a bond, a death, leaving the mother as well as the father in need of healing.

In this course we explore this problem alongside the following markers:

  • The phase between conception and birth
  • Emotional bonding and raising subsequent children
  • The influence of abortion on men
  • The emotional effects of abortion
  • The importance of self-forgiveness
  • Abortion and child abuse
  • Prayer guidelines

12. Abortion, miscarriage, and stillbirth (Index)

Burnout and compassion fatigue among Christian workers

A set of eight CD's are also available at R280 plus mailing costs

The content of this manual:

  • The important role of physical baggage with regard to emotional and physical burnout
  • Emotional hazards of the career of the Christian worker
  • What is burnout and who gets it?
  • Burnout and bitterness
  • Jesus treats 12 tired men
  • Secondary trauma and compassion fatigue
  • Seven guidelines from Paul on how to last in ministry
  • Finding your true calling
  • 1 Kings 19: Elijah wrestling with burnout and depression

Children and the process of loss

A set of six CD's are also available at R200 plus mailing costs

The content of this manual:

  • The importance of knowledge regarding children’s’ developmental phases
  • Your own losses will influence your communication with your children regarding their losses
  • You are the best person to talk to your children about their grief and loss
  • Important transitional events and losses in children’s lives like moving, divorce of parents and death
  • Pathological, complicated or traumatic grief
  • Parents who grieve and the surviving child
  • Practical guidelines regarding pathological, complicated or traumatic grief among children
  • Practical guidance regarding the death of a pet and a grandparent
  • Guiding your teenager through the grieving process
  • Practical and pastoral guidelines

13. Children and the process of loss, grief and mourning (Index)

The content of this manual:

  • Repetitive traumatic memories
    • Importance of the child's history
    • Early patterns of attachment are decisive
    • Results of chronic traumatisation
    • Childhood trauma and psychiatric diseases
  • Typical patterns of emotions and behaviour after trauma
  • The role of trauma echoes
  • The caregiver serves as a mirror of the development of identity
  • Different types of interventions for children
    • Focused activities
    • Bibliotherapy
    • Art activities
    • Creating a timeline
    • The therapeutic value of drawing
    • Working with physically and sexually abused children
  • The devastating effect of childhood trauma
    • The possible relation between negative childhood experiences and the smoking habit
    • The possible relation between negative childhood experiences and the abuse of alcohol
    • Trauma during childhood and later physical problems
  • Practical and pastoral aspects regarding the counselling of children

14. Pastoral counseling of traumatized children (Index)

The content of this manual:

  • The pain of rejection
    • the main sources of toxic shame and rejection
  • The family system – explaining the use of a genogram
    • Dysfunctional families
    • Families as social systems
    • The marriage as main component
    • Dynamic homeostasis
    • Shame-based families and multi-generative diseases
    • The trauma of abandonment
  • Main causes of emotional wounding and abandonment
    • Wounding and rejection through words
    • Wounding and abandoning through deeds
    • Wounding and abandonment through neglect
  • The performance trap
    • Grace versus abandonment
    • God's unconditional love
    • False guilt-feelings
    • Christians' struggle with a poor self-image
    • Each child needs his / her parents' blessing
    • Healing of the roots
    • Assistants of the Holy Spirit
    • Recycling grace

15. Pastoral counseling on rejection (Index)


The content of this manual:

  • Enormous challenges for homes without fathers
  • Spiritual and emotional fatherhood
  • There is no perfect father
  • Five elements of the process of fathering
    • Honouring and respect
    • Encouragement
    • Affirmation
    • Restrain
    • Teaching
  • Emotional release for children from the 'prisons' their fathers have built
  • To rebuild your father relationship
  • The father of the prodigal son
    • Make it easy for your child to eventually make the right choices
  • Eleven steps of the healing process
  • The Father you always wanted

16. Father wounds and Father hunger (Index)

In this course the focus will be on the following main aspects:

  • - General guidelines for hospital visiting
  • - Grief counselling
  • - Psychic experiences of the dying person
  • - The conversation with the dying person
  • - Pastoral guidance for the terminal patient
  • - The process of dying
  • - Personal experience

17. Grief counseling, the grieving process and care for the dying patient (Index)

The main themes discussed in this manual are the following:

Chapter 1: Introduction
Chapter 2: Integration of different approaches
Chapter 3: What is emotional trauma / abuse?
Chapter 4: Pain begins in the past
Chapter 5: Problem areas and causes
Chapter 6: The impact of trauma on the brain
Chapter 7: The effect of emotional trauma
Chapter 8: Areas where unresolved pain manifests
Chapter 9: A proposed pastoral model

APPENDIX A: Symptoms of the emotionally wounded person
APPENDIX B: Possible signs of rejection
APPENDIX C: Background inventory of counselee
APPENDIX D: My true identity: Who am I in Christ?


18. Pastoral care of emotionally wounded young persons (Index)

In the introduction to his book, Things I wish I’d known before we got married, Gary Chapman says the following:

"No one gets married hoping to be miserable or to make their spouse miserable. Yet we all know that the divorce rate in Western cultures continues to hover around 50%, and the highest percentage of divorces occur within the first seven years of marriage. People do not get married planning to divorce. Divorce is the result of a lack of preparation for marriage and the failure to learn the skills of working together as teammates in an intimate relationship." With facts like these in mind, this book is an attempt to equip couples for this tremendous challenge and also to serve as preparation for those who still intend to embark in future on this journey together. The main topics are the following:

  • Physical baggage from the past
  • Emotional baggage from the past
  • Conflict-handling in marriage
  • Communication in marriage
  • The emotional bank account
  • Marriage as a covenant
  • If the two of us could marry again

19. The marriage (Index)

The problematic nature of generational baggage (or “intergenerational trauma”, as known in academic literature) has relevance to the fact that parents often go through intense trauma without any help or counselling afterward. Children and grandchildren who grow up in a family like this, are affected by the impact of unresolved trauma in multiple ways. In each of these cases, a hidden or “secretive” trauma is present. In such families there can eventually be a multitude of ‘secret’ trauma that was not verbalized and was somehow passed on, or carried over to the next generation – from parent to child, or from grandparent to child and back to grandchild.

The emphasis in this manual is on the following aspects:

  • Introduction and definition
  • Transference of generational baggage
  • Dynamics of a dysfunctional family
  • The contribution of Murray Bowen
  • Unnatural emotional ties
  • Possible influence on a fetus
  • Guidelines for a special holy communion ceremony
  • Guidelines for pastoral guidance

20. Generational baggage (Index)

  • Chapter 1: It has never felt as if someone has ever loved me
  • Chapter 2: The main sources of toxic shame and rejection
  • Chapter 3: Main causes of emotional wounding and abandonment
  • Chapter 4: The performance trap

21. Rejection (Index)

In this manual, the focus is on the apparent double meaning of the term: religion. On the one hand, it can refer to a very positive and healthy system which can be beneficiary to the human being and help him / her to survive. On the other hand, it can refer to a sick system where it eventually becomes a disturbing factor that touches the total functioning of this person - this person's religion has then become “bad news” instead of “good news”. In such a sick system the focus is also on the danger side of religion – with 'danger' is then meant in this context that there may be deeper, unresolved pain present that can serve as a driving force to escape into exaggerated religious activities. The final result of such a process can then imply religious addiction

22. Toxic religion (Index)

The main emphasis in this course is in the first place on the possible causes of emotional pain, and secondly on practical guidelines towards a process of healing. The main topics are the following:

  • Emotional baggage from the past
  • The role of fear
  • The power of the lie
  • Unhealthy emotional bonds
  • Emotional pain regarding sexuality
  • The importance of forgiveness
  • How do I hear God’s voice?
  • The road ahead

23. Healing for emotional pain - Contents

In cases of severe trauma (especially during childhood) it is possible for a victim’s personality to disintegrate or dissociate to such an extent that a sub-personality is created (sometimes in the literature referred to as an inner child or alter). In this manual the focus is on the circumstances and background which often contribute to such fragmentation. Pastoral guidelines are also provided for counseling such a fragmented personality towards integration and healing. Much emphasis is put on the role of prayer.

The main topics in this manual are the following:

  • Inner child, fragmentation and oppressed memories
  • Contributory causes leading to dissociation
  • Ways in which the inner child became wounded
  • Symptoms of DID as discussed by Bryant, Kessler, and Shirar
  • Discussions of did and the inner child by Wilson, Kraft, Friesen and Draper
  • Integration of a dissociated sub-personality
  • Two practical examples of fragmentation

24. Fragmentation, dissociation and inner child - Index

Trauma bonds imply loyalty and bondage to a destructive person. Somebody sometimes gets involved in a destructive relationship where she is emotionally and / or physically abused. Everyone around her sees all the red lights and yet again she returns to the victim. Why? Research shows that there can be a trauma bond that in a certain sense "ties" her to the victim.

According to Patrick Carnes, in his book, Betrayal Bonds, there are a number of features that could indicate that a person is involved in an unhealthy relationship with a meaningful other person:

  • There is a constant pattern of poor performance regarding the other person, yet you continue believing opposing promises.
  • Others seem to be upset about what happened to you while you obviously are not upset.
  • You feel trapped as the other person continues with destructive actions while you think you can not do anything about it.
  • You are trying very hard to change the other person to be less destructive and to terminate their addiction or to be no longer an abuser.
  • You are constantly involved in competitive and degrading battles with the other person, won by no one.
  • It appears that you are unable to loosen yourself from a certain person, even if you can not trust him / her or even if you do not even like him / her.
  • When you would try to leave this person, you realize that you miss him / her to such an extent that the urge for that person becomes so intense that it feels as if it is going to destroy you.

This is an extremely topical issue within certain relationships, certain marriages and even within certain ecclesiastical families. In this course the focus is on the one hand on typical features of this problem and, on the other hand, on general and pastoral guidance for victims.


In this manual, first and foremost, the focus is on the issue of addiction among young people as a means of escape from unprocessed emotional pain. This, of course, leads to further emotional injury. A description is given of some of the most important contributing factors as well as practical and pastoral guidelines on dealing with addiction. Furthermore, a variety of therapists and counselors' approaches to emotional woundedness among young people are being discussed. From the various approaches finally a number of specific factors are identified that are conducive to effective counselling of the emotionally wounded young persons.

Emotionally wounded young people - Part 2 - Index

This is the first part of two manuals in which all the appendices are contained regarding the 50x themes already discussed in manuals over the past few years. This implies a large number of questionnaires, guidelines and pastoral aids regarding various themes in the Pastorate. In this way, it is easy to quickly identify a specific tool that may be relevant.

Questionnaires - Part - 1 - Index

This is the second part of two manuals in which all the appendices are contained regarding the 50x themes already discussed in manuals over the past few years. This implies a large number of questionnaires, guidelines and pastoral aids regarding various themes in the Pastorate. In this way, it is easy to quickly identify a specific tool that may be relevant.

Questionnaires - Part - 2 - Index

The development of the Internet and the positive contribution it can make in various fields is phenomenal - yet the potential negative impact is also overwhelming. It can be oil on the fire of pre-existing addictions or wrong lifestyle choices and thus develop into a destructive influence with the same power as a tsunami.

The focus of this course is on developments around the so-called 'digital invasion' over the past number of years as well as the tremendous impact on the thinking and general approach of many children and young people. The two clearly distinguishable groups, among others, are ‘digital natives’ vs ‘digital immigrants’. A number of problem areas and pitfalls are pointed out, together with various practical and pastoral guidelines

The digital impact - Index


The scientific study of the theme of forgiveness has only begun to gain momentum during the seventies - it is thus a relatively new concept within the helping professions. While the majority of studies focused on forgiveness as such, over a long period of time there were almost no contributions related to self-forgiveness - it was even occasionally described as the 'stepchild' in forgiveness research.

Against this background, we focus in this course on the three important models of Robert Enright, Everett Worthington and David Stoop, respectively. Aspects that will be particularly emphasized are the following:

Important definitions

  • Obstacles and problem areas regarding self-forgiveness
  • Factors that promote the process of self-forgiveness
  • Some important models
  • The healing process
  • Practical and pastoral guidelines
  • Life-changing lessons and divine breakthroughs

Self forgiveness - Index

The focus in this course is particularly on the close connection between body, mind and emotions and the implications thereof with regard to pastoral counseling. The manual contains five chapters with briefly the following content:

  • Pastoral Implications of the body/mind connection. A discussion of the immensely powerful influence between body and mind.
  • The role of brain injuries in pastoral counseling. The emphasis here is on the pioneering work of Dr. Daniel Amen in the field of brain scanning and the implications it has for pastoral counseling.
  • Pastoral implications regarding the close interaction between body, mind and emotions. This chapter is basically a summary of the most important aspects covered in the crucial book, Blue genes, by Dr Paul Meier et al.
  • Physical problems as possible consequences of unresolved trauma. This is basically an article written by myself and Dr. Hennie Kotze, (the article contains a very compact version of his Master's dissertation) that deals with the relationship between unresolved trauma and certain physical problems.
  • The impact of intergenerational trauma. The content of this chapter is based on a published article of mine dealing with the tremendous impact of one generation's unprocessed trauma on the next generation - in particular, regarding physical problems.

The close relationship - Index