21. Pastoral counseling on rejection (Index)

REJECTION – INDEX

 

 

CHAPT 1: IT HAS NEVER FELT AS IF SOMEONE HAS EVER LOVED ME

·       The pain of rejection

·       To feel loved

·       Steps in the healing process

 

CHAPT 2: THE MAIN SOURCES OF TOXIC SHAME AND REJECTION 

·       The family system

  • Max's story
  • Dysfunctional families
  • Families as social systems
  • The marriage as main component
  • Dynamic homeostasis
  • Shame-based families and multi-generative diseases
  • Shame-based marriage and parental models

§  Shame-based dysfunctional family rules

§  Control of chaos

§  Perfectionism or anonomy

§  Blame

§  Denial of the five freedoms

§  The 'no talk' rule

§  The 'no listening' rule

§  Do not make mistakes

§  Instability

§  Do not trust

  • The trauma of abandonment
  • Real physical absence
  • Importance of the mirror effect
  • The fantasy bond

 

 

CHAPT 3: MAIN CAUSES OF EMOTIONAL WOUNDING AND ABANDONMENT

·       Wounding and rejection through words

  • The dominating opinion
  • The person who is always right
  • The judge and the jury
  • Those who humiliate others with words
  • The comedian humiliating others with humour
  • The big distributer of guilt- feelings
  • The preacher
  • The historian
  • Playing deaf and dumb
  • Listen carefully

·       Wounding and abandoning through deeds

  • The head commander
  • The ventilator
  • The intimidator
  • The roller coaster
  • Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
  • Those with an illusion of who they really are
  • The person who has favourites
  • The one who changes the roles
  • The wrath-of-God abuser

·       Wounding and abandonment through neglect

  • The M.I.A parent (missing in action)
  • Those who provide and care from a distance
  • The emotional vacuum

 

CHAPT  4: THE ACHIEVEMENT POTHOLE

·       Grace versus abandonment

·       Subtle loss

·       The child not accepted for whom he / she is

·       Ambiguous messages

·       Conditional achievement-deserved acceptance

·       The awakening of the super-self

·       God's unconditional love

·       A pure cognitive approach

·       The all-inclusive way of grace

·       False guilt-feelings

·       Christians' struggle with a poor self-image

·       An inflated self-image

·       Each child needs his / her parents' blessing

·       The first step in the healing process

·       Healing of the roots

·       Can you forgive?

·       Assistants of the Holy Spirit

·       Recycling grace

 

 

APPENDIX A:  Max's dysfunctional family of origin

APPENDIX B:  Max's mother, Felicia's, genogram

APPENDIX C:  Max's father, Jerome's, genogram

APPENDIX D:  Genogram of Max's core family

APPENDIX E:  Characteristics of adult children from dysfunctional families

APPENDIX F:  Typical characteristics and rules of dysfunctional families

APPENDIX G:  I am special

APPENDIX H:  My true identity: who am I in Christ?