19. Children and the process of loss, grief and mourning (Index)

CHILDREN’S LOSS AND GRIEF - INDEX

 

 

CHPT 1: INTRODUCTION

·       Historical development

·       Statistics

·       Definitions

·       The importance of knowledge regarding children’s’

developmental phases

·       Shattered dreams

 

CHPT 2: FINDING YOUR EMOTIONAL COMPASS

·       Four basic guidelines

o   Grief is a very normal and natural reaction to loss

o   Grief and loss are intimidating subjects

o   Your own losses will influence your communication

§  A few important questions:

o   You are the best person to talk to your children about

grief and loss

·       Important choices and commitments by every parent

 

CHPT 3: TRANSITIONAL EVENTS AND LOSSES

·       Changes and losses

  • Moving

§  What not to do when moving

§  Suggestions to guide you when talking about moving

  • Divorce

§  Long-term or sudden impact

§  Multiple losses

§  Characteristics and behaviour of children of divorce by age

§  Emotional stages of children of divorce

§  Advice for divorced parents

 

  • Death

§  Illusion of protection

§  To talk with your child about death

§  The three themes of reversibility, universality and, causality

-        Reversibility

-        Universality

-        Causality

§  The confusion regarding euphemisms and metaphors

§  Must I take my child to a funeral?

 

CHPT 4: PATHOLOGICAL, COMPLICATED OR TRAUMATIC GRIEF

·       Parents who grieve and the surviving child

o   Stillbirth

o   The replacement child

o   Silence around the death

o   The child as scapegoat

o   The overprotected child

·       Six myths regarding grief and loss

o   Myth 1: Don’t feel bad!

o   Myth 2: Replace the loss

o   Grieve alone

o   Myth 4: Be strong

o   Myth 5: Keep busy

o   Myth 6: Time heals all wounds

·       Short term energy relieving behaviour (sterbs)

·       Practical guidelines regarding pathological, complicated or traumatic grief among children

o   Helping young children with traumatic grief

o   Helping school-age children with traumatic grief

o   Helping teens with traumatic grief

 

 

 

CHPT 5: PRACTICAL GUIDANCE – THE DEATH OF A PET AND A

GRANDPARENT

·       What is incomplete grief?

·       The route towards resolving and completion

o   The relationship review

o   Parents’ example motive children

·       Guidance regarding the death of a pet

o   Boy whose hamster died

o   Think about own experiences in the past

o   The why-question

o   Relationship review according to the emotional energy checklist

o   Converting emotional energy into recovery components

§  Apologies

§  Forgiveness

§  Significant emotional statements

§  Fond memories

o   The example of Joan’s dog, Jess

·       Guidance regarding the death of a person

o   Review of relationship with the deceased

§  The death of a grandparent

§  The emotional energy checklist

§  The example of Sarah’s relationship with her

grandmother Nina

§  Sarah’s completion letter

o   Children too young to write

o   Exaggerated memory pictures

 

CHPT 6: GUIDING YOUR TEENAGER THROUGH THE GRIEVING

PROCESS

·       Some practical guidelines

o   Examine the big picture

o   Give your teenagers space

o   Expect a wave of emotions

o   Be aware of negative behaviours

o   Keep boundaries intact

o   Enlist the support of friends, teachers, coaches, and counsellors

o   Develop an atmosphere of acceptance

o   Help create positive memories

·       Returning to school

·       Advice from a teenager who lost his dad

·       Thirteen meaningful questions for teenagers to answer

·       Typical grief reactions with children and teens (but not exclusively

 to them)

·       Aspects that grieving children / adolescents need to be cognisant of

·       Risk factors regarding children’s / adolescents’ adaption after losses

·       When to refer children / adolescents for therapy

 

CHPT 7: PRACTICAL AND PASTORAL GUIDELINES

·       The importance of open communication between parent and child

o   The importance of listening

o   Begin with the facts

o   Give attentions to the feelings

o   Build a foundation of faith in the child’s life

·       Encouragement

·       The use of journaling

·       The element of choice regarding the results of the grieving process

·       Spiritual and post traumatic growth

·       Becoming companions along the way (a ministry of presence)

·       How can we help the child to pray?

·       Will I always feel this bad?

 

 

 

 

 

 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

APPENDIX A: Complicated grief

APPENDIX B: Unique characteristics of the grieving process with children

APPENDIX C: Energy checklist regarding persons’ / relationship review

APPENDIX D: Energy checklist regarding pets / relationship review

APPENDIX E: Grief characteristics and symptoms in children

APPENDIX F: The Holmes and Rahe scale for children and teens

APPENDIX G: Manuals on counseling