8. Forgiveness (Index)




CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION                                                                                       

David Stoop & Judith Herman

·        Important Scriptures                                                                                         

·        Introduction                                                                                                         

·        Resistance against the process of mourning                                            

  • Revenge                                                                                                         
  • Forgiveness                                                                                                  
  • Compensation                                                                                              



REGARD TO FORGIVENESS – 1                                                                         

G R Schiraldi, L McBurney, P D Meier & C Kraft

·        What forgiveness is                                                                                           

  • A closing of the account book                                                                 
  • Forgiveness implies a definite choice                                                    
  • Forgiveness is to acknowledge that we are more than just

the receivers of insults, abuse or injustice                                           

  • Forgiveness can result in a new self-worth                                          
  • Forgiveness is to leave behind the negative feelings of

the past                                                                                                           

·        What forgiveness is not                                                                                   

  • Minimizing the offence or its impact                                                       
  • Forgetting the offence or reconstruct the past                                    
  • Condoning the offence or permitting it to recur                                  
  • To change the rules with regard to what is true and right                
  • Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness                                                 
  • Reconciling or trusting

·        When forgiving is needed                                                                                

·        Fruits of unforgivingness                                                                                

·        Forgiveness and physical problems                                                            

·        Examples                                                                                                             

·        Ideas that block forgiveness                                                                           

  • That act is unforgivable - I can never forgive it                                    
  • I should not be angry or hurt - I should be able to forgive                
  • The offender is all bad - he must pay                                                      
  • I must remain bitter to insure that it never happens again,

until justice is secured                                                                                

  • Staying mad will get it out of my system                                               
  • I’ll betray myself or others if I drop the grudge                                    
  • I’ll make myself so invulnerable and strong that no one can

hurt me                                                                                                            

  • There can be bitterness over the years because of things

that I didn’t receive                                                                                      

  • It is difficult to forgive because I didn’t have a role model

with regard to forgiveness                                                                        

  • The senselessness of my pain and hurt could be a blockage        



REGARD TO FORGIVENESS – 2                                                                         

G R Schiraldi, L McBurney, P D Meier, D B Allender, R L Wise &

D Langberg

·        Images that could stimulate the forgiveness process                             

  • Identify a loving figure                                                                                
  • Think of a person who has offended you                                             
  • Express your pain in the presence of the loving figure                     
  • Imagine the offender’s real life battles                                                    
  • Imagine his/her strong points                                                                   
  • Can you recall shared good times?                                                        
  • Accept responsibility for taking offence                                                
  • Be willing to let the offender have forgiveness and healing            
  • Scan  your body for remaining hurt or heaviness                              

·        Forgive in writing                                                                                               

·        Forgiveness is a crisis as well as a process                                              

·        Forgiveness as a decision of the will                                                           

·        The relation between forgiveness and some                                             

neurochemical reactions                                                                                 

·        Forgiveness when the other person is no longer living                          

·        Debilitating influence of guilt                                                                          

·        Self-forgiveness                                                                                                 

·        Bitterness and rebellion against God                                                           

·        The power of confession and forgiveness                                                 

·        Change the “God, why did it happen?” into “God, who are You?”       

  • The promise of riches stored in secret places                                     


CHAPTER 4:  HONESTY AND FORGIVENESS                               

Dan B Allender

·        Admit the truth                                                                                                    

·        Eight important truths must be acknowl­edged                                         

·        What does it mean to love?                                                                             

·        What then is love?                                                                                             

·        Three important components of forgiveness                                             

  • Hunger for restoration                                                                                
  • Bold love                                                                                                        
  • Revoking revenge                                                                                       

·        Three important components that separate justice from revenge       

  • Revenge leaves no room for restoration                                               
  • Revenge gets in the way of God                                                              
  • God gives an opportunity for conquering and over­coming

evil today by doing good                                                                           


CHAPTER 5:  EMBRACING THE PAIN                                                               

Stephen Seamands

·     Running from the pain                                                                

·        Facing the pain                                                                                                   

·        Stepping into the pain                                                                                      

  • Breaking through denial                                                                            
  • Recovering painful memories                                               
  • Owning anger                                                                          
  • Admitting our guilt                                                                                       
  • Grieving losses                                                                                             
  • Bargaining                                                                                                     
  • Descending into depression                                                                    

·     Standing in your pain at the cross                                            


CHAPTER 6:  FATHER, FORGIVE THEM                                        

Stephen Seamands

·        The nine steps of forgiveness                                                                        

Preparing to forgive                                                                                           

o       Facing the facts                                                                                            

o       Identify the emotions involved                                                                 

§         Fear                                                                                                            

§         Guilt and Shame                                                                                     

§         Anger                                                                                                         

o     Feeling the hurt                                                                      

o       Confronting our hate                                                                                  

The heart of forgiveness                                                                                  

o       Bearing the pain                                                                                           

o       Set boundaries to protect yourself                                                         

o       Releasing those who have wronged us                                                

Starting over                                                                                                        

o       Assuming responsibility for ourselves                                                  

o       Longing for reconciliation                                                                         


CHAPTER 7:  LOVE YOUR ENEMIES                                                                 

Stephen Seamands

·        When do we know that real forgiveness has moved in?                        

·     Forgiving at the cross                                                                 

·        Do not retaliate                                                                                                   

·        Blessing the evildoer                                                                                        

·     God's way will triumph, despite the circumstances                


CHAPTER 8:  RADIANT SCARS                                                                          

Stephen Seamands

·     Strength made perfect in weakness                                          

·        How our scars become radiant                                                                      

·        Practical guidelines