33. Rejection

REJECTION - INDEX

 

CHAPT 1: IT HAS NEVER FELT AS IF SOMEONE HAS EVER LOVED ME

  • The pain of rejection
  • To feel loved
  • Steps in the healing process

 

CHAPT 2: THE MAIN SOURCES OF TOXIC SHAME AND REJECTION

  • The family system
    • Max's story
    • Dysfunctional families
    • Families as social systems
    • The marriage as main component
    • Dynamic homeostasis
    • Shame-based families and multi-generative diseases
    • Shame-based marriage and parental models
    • Shame-based dysfunctional family rules
      • Control of chaos
      • Perfectionism or anomy
      • Blame
      • Denial of the five freedoms
      • The 'no talk' rule
      • The 'no listening' rule
      • Do not make mistakes
      • Instability
      • Do not trust
    • The trauma of rejection/ abandonment
    • Real physical absence
    • Importance of the mirror effect
    • The fantasy bond

 

CHAPT 3: MAIN CAUSES OF EMOTIONAL WOUNDING AND ABANDONMENT

  • Wounding and rejection through words
    • The dominating opinion
    • The person who is always right
    • The judge and the jury
    • Those who humiliate others with words
    • The comedian humiliating others with humour
    • The big distributer of guilt- feelings
    • The preacher
    • The historian
    • Playing deaf and dumb
    • Listen carefully
  • Wounding and abandoning through deeds
    • The head commander
    • The ventilator
    • The intimidator
    • The roller coaster
    • Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
    • Those with an illusion of who they really are
    • The person who has favourites
    • The one who changes the roles
    • The wrath-of-God abuser
  • Wounding and abandonment through neglect
    • The M.I.A. parent (missing in action)
    • Those who provide and care from a distance
    • The emotional vacuum

 

CHAPT 4: THE PERFORMANCE TRAP

  • Grace versus abandonment
  • Subtle loss
  • Not accepting the child for whom he / she is
  • Ambiguous messages
  • Conditional achievement - deserved acceptance
  • The awakening of the super-self
  • God's unconditional love
  • A pure cognitive approach
  • The all-inclusive way of grace
  • False guilt-feelings
  • Christians' struggle with a poor self-image
  • An inflated self-image
  • Each child needs his / her parents' blessing
  • Steps in the healing process
    • The old ' I am' must be left behind
    • Healing of the roots
    • Can you forgive?
    • Assistants of the Holy Spirit
    • Recycling grace

 

BIBLIOGRAPHY

APPENDIX A:  Max's dysfunctional family of origin

APPENDIX B:  Max's mother, Felicia's, genogram

APPENDIX C:  Max's father, Jerome's, genogram

APPENDIX D:  Genogram of Max's core family

APPENDIX E:  Characteristics of adult children from dysfunctional families

APPENDIX F:  Typical characteristics and rules of dysfunctional families

APPENDIX G:  I am special

APPENDIX H:  My true identity: who am I in Christ?